Author Topic: Tutorial - narrative (minor spelling mistakes)  (Read 621 times)

Offline Event "Janе" Horizon

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Tutorial - narrative (minor spelling mistakes)
« on: December 16, 2012, 10:38:24 am »

Dear Dedicated Logic,

The following are the Tutorial narratives shown to a Newcomer while they complete the Tutorial.
There are several minor spelling mistakes and minor formatting issues (i.e. not putting a space between end of  a sentence and the start of a new one).


Up to you if you want to correct these or not (most players will not notice)
I'll look into improving the meaning of the narrative as well (if other members do not beat me to it).


Purple text indicates a missing space between sentence end and new sentence start.
Red and green are corrections

See attachments (rich text files, zipped, open woth word pad / word etc).

Original Narrative = original text with  markup
Modified Narrative = modified text
  • Citizenship: Regular citizen
  • Last seen in New Urengoy [Q] at Outpost / Storages
  • Member of corporation: Savonation
  • Member of society: Savonites
NEVER DOUBT yourself. YOU ARE intelligent, forgiving and AWESOME.

Jane's AfterWorld Secrets
http://jaws.altervista.org/index.html

Offline Teesa "Teesa" Fisher

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Re: Tutorial - narrative (minor spelling mistakes)
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2012, 08:11:37 pm »
Here's my suggestions...

  Welcome to the AfterWorld: Survival! This is Mugen Village, the place where you have been "born", and you will need to get yourself to the Quarantine Zone: New Urengoy [Q] by following this tutorial! Step off to begin your journey!
 Feel free to run around at the village and get used to the controls. You can change the key bindings from the Options panel [ctrl o] under Controls section. When you are ready, head to the East of the village by following the road until you see the roadblock.
 Come closer to the roadblock and find an officer. ....
 Talk to the officer: come closer and move your mouse cursor to the officer, then click with the right mouse button to start talking.

 You have just received your first Health-Kit and Weapon! When you finish talking to the officer, come back to the road and run to the next roadblock.

 Now - running to the next roadblock! Follow the yellow-road on the map until you find it (we have marked it with light-blue square icon). If you meet a mob you can shoot it off by with the gun. We have already mapped the gun and health-hit to the quick-bar for you (this can be re-done by moving icons from inventory to the needed slot in quick-bar). Press key [1] to switch to the gun or key [2] for health-kit. Hitting the key again will use the item. When item is in your hands, you can also use it by clicking with the [left mouse button] while in aim-mode (hit [space] to toggle the aim mode). Beware Aware of mobs! Some can be hard to kill, and don't forget to heal yourself in time! And if you die, you will revive at nearest roadblock.

 You can also use Auto-run feature if you need to run for a lond long distance. Hit [f4] button once on your keyboard to enable auto-run. Press it again (or touch any of the movement keys) to disable.

 Come closer to the roadblock and find an officer. You will need to talk to him in order to receive further instructions. The marker showing the location of the officer has been added to is on your map.
 Talk to the officer and follow provided instructions. When you finish all tasks successfully, he will give you another 2.5k of ammo!
 Come closer to the roadblock and find an officer. You will need to talk to him in order to receive further instructions. The marker showing the location of the officer has been added to is on your map.
 Talk to the officer and follow provided instructions. When you finish all tasks successfully, he will give you another 2.5k of ammo!

 You need to cut at least 2 kg of firwood by using your axe. The axe was is binded to your quick-bar at key [3]. Come closer at to the tree and turn so you look straight at it. Start cutting by pressing [3] on your keyboard, or switch to the aim-mode and press [left mouse button].

 <This paragraph seems to be a repeat. Though I did not do the tutorial, so don't know if it's needed.>You need to cut at least 2 kg of firwood by using your axe. The axe was is binded to your quick-bar at key [3]. Come closer at to the tree and turn so you look straight at it. Start cutting by pressing [3] on your keyboard, or switch to the aim-mode and press [left mouse button].

 You got 0.404 kg of Firwood log.
 You have got 0.404 kg of firwood from required 2 kg. A bit more and you are done!
 Great, you got enough of it! Now, come back to the officer and talk to him for further instructions.
 You got 0.593 kg of Firwood log.

 You need to refine the firwood logs into boards. Come closer to the terminal and activate it by right-clicking on it with your mouse. ...

 You need to gather at least 16 kg of iron ore by using your pick. The pick was is binded to your quick-bar at key [4]. Come closer at to the stone and turn so you look straight at it. Start cutting by pressing [4] on your keyboard, or switch to the aim-mode and press [left mouse button]. ...

 You need to refine the iron ore into clear iron ingots. Come closer to the terminal and activate it by right-clicking on it with your mouse.

 At the main window of the refine terminal click on [Refine] ....
 Congratulations! You have just obtained a new skill: Metallurgy!
 Gained experience in Metallurgy
 Gained 33 Skill Advancement Units.
 Congratulations! You have just refined the iron ore into clean <clear or clean?> iron ingots! Now, come back to the officer and talk to him.

 Congratulations! You have just refined the iron ore into clean <clear or clean?> iron ingots! Now, come back to the officer and talk to him.
 The next target is at North. We strongly recommend you to find some time and login into <a:web https://my.afterworld.deelogic.net/survival/>Survival Forums (if you haven't done so yet). There is a lot of information from the developers of this game and players. It includes some additional tutorials, answers to the most frequently-asked questions, contests, and many more. It doesn't require additional registration, you only need to use your login name and password from this game.
 Refining of 16 kg of Iron stone completed. ....

 AfterWorld doesn't have "boats" at the current moment, and unfortunately no plans on implementing those. However, if the community shows high enough interest in this, the developers may implement this at some time in a the future. If you would like to see boats in game, please share your opinion at <a:web https://my.afterworld.deelogic.net/survival/>Survival Forums. ...

 Come closer to the roadblock and find an officer. You will need to talk to him in order to receive further instructions. The marker showing the location of the officer has been added to is on your map.
 Talk to the officer for instructions on how to craft components using special "MFP" disks. Additional bonus is waiting for you at the end of this tutorial part.
...

 Congratulations! You have just gained your first progress in manufacturing profession "Mining Tools", Level 1 and your current progress is now: stage 0, 0%!
 ...

 Congratulations! You have just gained your first progress in manufacturing profession "Mining Tools", Level 1 and your current progress is now: stage 0, 0%!
 Perfect! Now, speak with officer to receive another portion of ammo.

 When your avatar dies in AfterWorld, you become a TravelBot ......However, this is not a the case for tutorial part of the game.

 This game uses internal currency called AWD (AfterWorld Dollars) and it's used to pay terminal fees (crafting, refnining refining, etc) and for trades between players. AWD can be deposited from Real World by following instructions on the AfterWorld website.

 Come closer to the roadblock and find an officer. You will need to talk to him in order to receive further instructions. The marker showing the location of the officer has been added to is on your map.
 Talk to the officer for instructions on how to assemble items from the crafted components using "ASP" disks. The last bonus will be given for free when you finish this tutorial.

 The final part - assembling your first pick! Activate the terminal, load the greenish-disk to the terminal, and at the final screen put the components in.

 <Needed? Seems to be a repeat>The final part - assembling your first pick! Activate the terminal, load the greenish-disk to the terminal, and at the final screen put the components in.

 Congratulations! You have just gained your first progress in manufacturing profession "Mining Tools", Level 1 and your current progress is now: stage 0, 0%!
 Wow, you did it! Good job! Now, talk to the officer to get your reward!
 The official part of the tutorial is now finished, ...

  When you acquire skills, you additionally receive SAU (Skill Advancement Unit), which are used to activate additional neurons in blocked brain areas (you can read more at the "Story" section on official web-site)....


 <Needed? Seems to be a repeat> When you acquire skills, you additionally receive SAU (Skill Advancement Unit), which ...

 Quarantine zone is a special area for newcomers, safe place to get used to the AfterWorld and learn basics. .... It stops wild and dangerous creatures from entering the safe zone. ...

 The Promissory Notes are another type of valuables in AfterWorld. It's mostly used to pay for courier license and at compound research terminal, but other uses to be implemented with future updates. ...

 When you trade with someone in game, .... <The following sentence doesn't sound right to me and at a loss for suggestion->At best will be joining one of the well known societies....

 Security notice: Keep in mind ... The safety of your game account is totally up on to you! <Not sure what you are wanting to say here. It could be... up to you!>

 Welcome to the New Urengoy!
« Last Edit: December 16, 2012, 10:03:33 pm by Teesa "Teesa" Fisher »
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Offline Event "Janе" Horizon

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Re: Tutorial - narrative readability changes
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2012, 07:38:14 am »
Dear Dedicated Logic,


Please find attached (in a zipped .rtf file)  the changes I feel will improve the readability of the Tutorial Narrative.


Regards
ESH


19/12/2012 - corrected auto-click technique
« Last Edit: December 19, 2012, 09:03:38 am by Event "Singularity" Horizon »
  • Citizenship: Regular citizen
  • Last seen in New Urengoy [Q] at Outpost / Storages
  • Member of corporation: Savonation
  • Member of society: Savonites
NEVER DOUBT yourself. YOU ARE intelligent, forgiving and AWESOME.

Jane's AfterWorld Secrets
http://jaws.altervista.org/index.html